Reflections, Remembrance and Resolve

Jolie was fighting to keep her anger under control but she wasn't doing very well.

She thought to herself, "Gods I hate it when Perrin takes that tone.
ESPECIALLY when he calls me LITTLE sister. Like I don't know what I'm talking about! If he had known Lia he wouldn't be making these stupid.....BULLSHIT.....statements! He sounds just like....DADDY!"

She sighed and continued to think as she stalked toward her room at Cole's Grapevine. "I wish that I didn't get tears in my eyes when I fight with someone. I'm NOT crying. I don't know why it happens. It just does. I probably shouldn't have stormed off like I did either. Now he's just going to treat me like I'm fragile. Could anything have gone right in that fight?"

Jolie collapsed on the bed. She was worn out mentally and physically and she silently thanked Milil for the wonderful feel of clean sheets. Was there ever a time in her life that she thought she'd be thankful for a warm, soft bed and clean sheets? Probably not. Even when she was in school someone would take care of mundane things like laundry. Why did Gerrin HAVE to insist on a cold camp last night anyway? The cave would have been FINE for a camp and they could have built a fire too. Sleeping outside sucks. It's cold...and wet and everything smells like horses. "Things are going downhill." she thought. "I probably caught a cold too. Why am I even HERE?
Cause PERRIN wants some peat tar moss or something like that. Just so he can work on his axe. Is that all he thinks about? I wanted to help him because of his mom but now it's like all he cares about is his axe and his forge.
I'm NOT going to help him if all he wants to do is hit things and defend the Slaver's Guild!"

Maybe the bodies at the cave affected her more than she thought. She had never seen that many dead people at once. Especially not ones that birds had picked at. The thought of their ash gray skin kept coming to her mind. The way the birds had eaten their eyes first. She shuddered. She had seen some dead street people in Athkatla but the city watch always came and got them before they got to THAT stage. At least she wasn't having nightmares.

What had Lia always said in times like this? Jolie closed her eyes and remembered when she was little. Back to one of those times when one of her siblings had caused trouble for her and daddy hadn't been willing to take the time to listen. Times when she'd go to Lia's small room and they'd sit on the floor near the fire. Jolie would lean into Lia's lithe form and Lia would cradle her head against her neck. The smell of Lia's fine golden hair came back to Jolie almost immediately and the soothing effect was so very welcome.

Her voice seemed as close now as it did so many years ago. "The secret to dealing with people, especially humans, is to realize that each person sees the world differently. For your people, time is always weighing down on you so you're less inclined to assess every situation. Instead, you learn from a very early age to make decisions quickly and forge ahead. This can be helpful, and hurtful, depending on the situation. When you find yourself doubting your place, reflect on how you got there and what you want."

Maybe that was what she hadn't done. In all this time Jolie hadn't fully assessed the situation. It was tempting to just get out her harmonica and play for awhile instead but if she was going to feel better, maybe she needed to ponder what got her here in the first place.

Carlos. Carlos was the beginning. Carlos with his thick, rich hair and broad shoulders. Jolie smiled inwardly then she frowned. Carlos with his secrets.
Carlos who never told anyone the whole truth. In fact, everything that Jolie knew about the underground she had gotten from someone OTHER than Carlos!
She was pretty sure that he didn't trust her. At least Jeremy did. Jeremy McKendrick. Blue stripe slaver extraordinare. Well known for being the most ruthless man in the Slaver's Guild and the most humorous, compassionate man in the Slaver Underground. Well, at least up until he met the resistance.
That was bad. For a long time there hadn't been a way to recognize another member of the Underground. Carlos's secrecy prevented THAT. Then came the ambush. Jeremy and 6 other Slavers were delivering some slaves to the market from the docks when a bunch of rogue mages attacked. The only problem was, Jeremy and his best friend James were both members of the Underground. They were on the same side as the attackers! James was killed in the opening salvo from the Mages. Jeremy kept trying to make them stop but, in the end, he had to kill everyone. The mages because they wouldn't quit attacking and the Slaver's because they watched him trying to negotiate. I don't think he realized what he was in until then. It changed him. He still mourns James every day. At least he had talked her out of the resistance and into the underground. It's odd how one event can change someone. The good of it was at least they created the sign and counter-sign for the Slaver's Underground.

Jolie thought back to those first few days in the underground. She had used the name Jollison to hide the fact that she was Cedrick Fantesca's daughter.
What a mistake THAT was. When Carlos found out he would have killed her if it hadn't been for Jeremy. She could still remember Jeremy's words. "Carlos, I've had a belly full of killing and I don't want to do it anymore. We've got to open up a little bit or we're going to consume ourselves.

Jolie though, "I think that's where it started. Jeremy really went out on a limb for me. He didn't trust me enough to talk about the routes or the out-processing of slaves but he got me involved."

Jolie had been more involved in the logistical, administrative side of things. She'd never realized what a great deal of work it could be either.
Sometimes it even called for her to break into a house or entice information out of an overzealous slaver. After all, being Cedrick's kid had its advantages. There was a certain degree of kink involved in hitting on a slave master's daughter but NONE of them would dare make good on their offers. That didn't keep them from running their mouths. They must have figured that Jolie knew everything her dad did. Handy.

Jolie thought. "Jeremy must have been looking to expand my role in the underground when Carlos asked me to contact Perrin. He still wouldn't trust me to know the routes so my way with people was going to be the key to me being useful. What a mistake THAT may have been. All he wanted was for me to CONTACT him. Now I'm far away from home and I'm not sure I even want to do this anymore!" Tears came to Jolie's eyes again as Lia came to mind.

"At least I have my reasons." she thought. "Maybe Lia is out there somewhere and when we get back to Athkatla I'm rededicating myself to finding her. I have work to do for myself so Carlos will just have to wait. I'll start with Derek. He seemed to be pretty interested in me. How rare is an elf with Lia's description? Should be memorable. Now all I have to do is figure out a way to get the info without drawing attention too much attention to myself...."

Jolie took out her harp. After all, it was...is...Lia's favorite instrument.
Jolie began to softly play the Elven hymn "Spring Dawning". It was one of the first songs Lia taught her. Even though Spring was still 3 months away, Jolie knew that, by then, she'd be closer to some answers.

Just that thought helped melt a little of the snow.